August 16, 2013

I HATE MUSIC / SOMETIMES I DON'T

I wrote about this Superchunk record for SPIN, which was hard to listen to. Old punx make a feel bad record about outliving your friends. I could relate to it all, couldn't hear the whole thing without crying a little. Grown life creeps up on you. JJ has been dead a few years come end of this month. I don't bother counting years--I don't feel comfortable putting that space between us. I measure how long she has been gone, casually, against how long I have been a mom. She died in August and I got pregnant right after Halloween. Sometimes, usually when I am giving the kids a bath or out on a walk I just think she would have liked to be here, she should be helping me, she would have loved them so much. After I talked to her mom this spring and found out that JJ was trying to live, not trying to die --it changed the frame, made it fresh, made it tragic, not inevitable.

Posted by jessica hopper at August 16, 2013 02:51 PM | TrackBack