July 23, 2012

WHAT REMAINS

You just don't imagine you will ever have to ask another human to stop putting chewed up crackers on their penis. Or chase someone around your house after they took an impromtu shit in the bathtub. You do not know the sudden reserve of rage that will be called forth and that it will somehow be further stoked by the miniature shitter laughing hysterically and yelling "BOOP! BOOP!" in your face. I yelled. He laughed harder. He had won.

Living with a toddler is like pledging a Dartmouth frat, but everyday. No vomelets yet, but close. So much shit. Just, like, everywhere. I won't detail the entire circumstances, but poor Doug-Dave the Dog got a double wash this week after someone wiped their butt on his head. Between this sweet baby and two-year old, really, what we've got is just a crazily efficient poop distribution system.

Posted by jessica hopper at July 23, 2012 11:01 PM | TrackBack