July 10, 2011

WHERE WAS YOUR BODY LAST NIGHT?

I rode around in a car with Carmen Elle for like, what 11 days, once and I knew she could sing, sure, but I didn't know she could sing like this. I also like that towards the end, she has a Benetar growl-grain in her voice. This Army Girls 7" makes me mad that she hates touring to the point that she won't anymore. It's like she's taunting us to come to Toronto to see her band.

Too much doin' round these parts. Who wants to blog about the internet when you can strap the chicken helmet on your baby, throw him on the back of your bike and take off 'til naptime? The last two weeks I have been out of doors and busting my azz in the making-a-living department. Normally, in a month, I might pick up 3 extra assignments. Somehow, this month I have 9 and 7 of them were last week. I have 4 inch long baby sandals to buy, y'all. I cannot rest. I must put baby naptime to maximum use. My night times are a wasteland: per our movie reviewing blog I SAW THAT I cannot seem to catch a break and actually watch something decent (save for Friday Night Lights, natch, which I learned, via Facebook this weekend, that Alex Ross of the New Yorker is a fan so I feel like it's not total intellectual garbage if he's down for Riggins as well) though I did just power

POOP EBAYING AND ETSYING WITH MY HARD-EARNED OVERTIME RICHES. YOU'D THINK THIS MATERIAL GRRRL WOULDA' LEARNED BY NOW, BUT BROWSING ETSY AND FISHIN' IN THE EBAY NEVER GO AS PLANNED, DOO-DOO-WISE. UPS GUY WAS OVERWHELMED FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME BY THE VOLUME AND ODOR OF THIS WEEKEND'S DELIVERIES. WHO KNEW THAT "QUART" IS FRENCH FOR "METRIC TON?" NOT THIS POWER BUYER! C'EST LA MERDE. WHAT CAN BROWN DOO-DOO FOR YOU-YOU? QUITE A BIT.

ALSO, PRE-POST-POWER-SCRIPT: MY OWN PRIVATE GARY-HO ONLY KNOWS POOP JOKES. WHAT THE FUDGE? FINALLY OUTDID HIM TONIGHT WITH A HERPROVISED* PUNCHLINE TO THAT OL' SAW, "WHAT'S BROWN AND STICKY?" GET YR BOO-YAA'S OUT, PATRIARCHS.

*SRSLY, DOESN'T IMPROVISED SOUND TOO MUCH LIKE "HIMPROVISED"? MEN DON'T MONOPOLIZE OUR FUNNY BONES, LADIES! TAKE BACK THE COMEDIC NIGHT!


I went to go answer the phone and when I returned Matt has typed everything above in all caps. It's totally better than what I was going to write, so here it stands. I should really just let him guest blog as me.

Posted by jessica hopper at July 10, 2011 09:28 PM | TrackBack