January 10, 2011


I did not forget about you. Only sort of. Just a tiny bit. I was busy teaching my baby son how to pet the cats with respect for fur. Tito (FKA "Wyatt") doesn't care, he is so desperate to be acknowledged and touched, he returned again and again to the little guy for what could only be called a session of depilation and ear-yanking. I know, Tito, we've all been in that horrible place, where you'll take bad love from anyone who will give it.

To speak of my own shame: I watched SALT. Oh, sweet lord alive, it was bad. A gamine Angelina Jolie even with the full thrust of some plurfy wigs, slim cut suit pants and high kicking her way through impression of an anorexic girl in a lunchroom fight--all teeth and bones a-gnashing--well, it never achieved that level of spectacle you wish for in a big budget Hollywood thrillride. No thrill, hardly any ride to boot. From the opening scene, where she is forced to gargle gasoline, bloodied, twisting and begging in her Maidenform bra, I already knew I did not care, as this one is 4 Tha Patriarchal Rape Fantasy N U. Those pesky fake North Koreans should have made her drink the damn thing and then given her a curbie--that would have shown people what an action movie is. Skinhead gang style violence in the first 30 seconds! And shame of shame, I downloaded it legally! FOR MONEY! What can I say? It was the weekend! Documentaries and subtitles are for the workdays, but like most Americans, intellectually, I am a real piglet on the weekends. I prefer the Bourne trilogy, where someone is bound to yell "Shut it down!" or "Take him down!" every 2-3 minutes, which just rachets up the pace and lets you know an explosion is going to happen and someone is going to walk away from it like they didn't notice. Thats my favorite part of all movies, when that happens.

MEANWHILE: ALL MONF LONG! MCA has a show of Chicago Comics up, which includes the big gun talents like Anders Nilsen and Lili Carre (my fave) and Paul Hornschmeier whose name I have sure just misspelled.

Posted by jessica hopper at January 10, 2011 10:54 PM | TrackBack