November 19, 2009

THINK'T O-O-O-OVER

I think you will like this Brilliant Colors record. Or the band. The band's record.

I saw Twilight New Moon last night to review it. I got there late and so I did not sit in the rows that were sectioned off for reviewers. Which is fine, because in my three prior experiences of going to crit screenings, there was a particular eau de coldcuts to some of my reviewer brethren. Or maybe it's just one guy who smuggles in a gently aging deli tray. Nevertheless, I sat in the middle back, amidst contest winners and the daughter of someone who worked for corpo-sponsors Smartwater™ and her 81 impatient best friends. Girls 12 and over all dressed fancy, there was a lot of hiking up of dress fronts and yanking down hemlines while precariously balancing jumbo popcorns. There was a lot of gasping and sighing and OOOOHing, as their should be at a virgin porn film. I kind of hate Kristin Stewarts whole schtick anyhow ( Adventureland really put it over the edge, the wiggling her eyebrows into the middle distance), but Bella is the most pathetic serialized girl character this side of--I dunno, early Disney? Sex In The City?--she's like princess in a story, made right by a man's desire to marry/own her. She's utterly guileless and SHE DOESN'T LOOK ANY MAN IN THE EYES--she is forever getting gazed upon. Her and her dragking boyfriend are perfectly drippy together, she literally has nothing going on save for her totally codependent relationship with the shapeshifting, non-kissing men around her. Also, why the fuck is Edward willingly in high school--this isn't Jumpstreet, dude. I am glad he is ghosting it a distant land for like 84% of the movie and Bella is just palling around with Teenwolf the mechanic. The girls in the theatre SCREAMED everytime his shirt came off. That was my favorite part. The screaming.

Posted by jessica hopper at November 19, 2009 03:06 PM | TrackBack