July 19, 2009


The other night we were walking home after playing poker in a bar and laughing really hard for like four hours, when a huge, sleek, jacked-up, scary/fancy redneck truck rumbled slowly past us and a man yelled out the window in a voice dripping with hate: "YOU HAVE STDs!" My old man looked at him, and the guy yelled "DON'T LOOK AT ME. YOU HAVE STDs."

This seems like a weird thing to yell at someone, even if you were mad at them for some reason. Plus, it's funny that the term "STD" has entered the common parlance. Like if he had yelled "your subject position offends me." Also the "don't look at me" part was really weird. The old man goes, "That's not how STDs work."

I remembered the time in West Hollywood when those kids drove by and threw a full coke at us. That seems more reasonable, I guess. You always feel weird when you get heckled by white rednecks and you're a straight white person. Because, what more do these terrible people want from me? Maybe my hair is too short, or my man doesn't have big enough muscles. Also I think the fact that the old man carries a woman's rainbow-colored purse instead of a man's bag sometimes draws fire from society's more low-rent elements. And the fact that he's taken to wearing extremely short, pink, hot-pants.

It makes me very sad that these things can be pointed to as "the reason we get heckled sometimes." God, they're just pants. Deal with it. What is wrong with people? Let people live their lives in peace! I just want to yell: "ISN'T LIFE HARD ENOUGH, YOU ASSHOLE?""

Posted by jessica hopper at July 19, 2009 10:12 PM | TrackBack