October 08, 2008

SATANS TAINT

Jeff Johnson catalogs his personal history of being a Cubs fan: :
"Oh well. I also, like every good fan in 1998, just thought Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire lifted a lot of weights. Evidence of McGwire's neck acne never alerted me to anything other than that he reminded me of a more jock James Hetfield. I hate Metallica. A semi-rock star I know once talked about sitting around doing coke with them. Doing coke with Metallica would be like seeing Satan's taint. I'd rather lose all of my possessions in a flood. And I'd rather do community service until 2028 than listen to Mark McGwire or Rafael Palmeiro (former Cub) mumble angrily about 'roid usage.

The 2003 season was great, then maddening. No one could have made Steve Bartman up. No one could have made Juan Fucking Pierre up either. I ended up dumping my Series tickets to some middle-aged pederast that would only buy them from me in a moving vehicle. Why? I have no idea. All I knew was that I had to get rid of them."

Posted by jessica hopper at October 8, 2008 10:37 PM | TrackBack