March 13, 2006

FUTURE LEAVES

We were standing on the porch, JR and I, making slow conversation as it started pouring. I pointed out the tree across the street which has many many little arched branches. It is my favorite. I cannot wait to see it with leaves. It the affilication of the aged and those in cold climes: discussing the weather, speaking speculatively and hopefully. Spring is coming, I mentioned three times in two hours. You get so saddled by winter, you can easily forget it's not terminal.

Early eve was poking around town with my baby sis, her long blonde pony hair a curly tangle from the humdity. When she was away, our emails were home gossip and abroad check-ins, conversations about what Senegal and Barcelona and Hong Kong meant to her we knew would be saved for face to face. I have not seen her since her 24 hour layover home between Hong Kong and Minneapolis and then, mostly, she was gifts and jet lag, slideshowing pictures of the Great Wall, the streets of Macau, and great grins flashes for the camera in the bar with new friends.

I feel about my sister how I think parents feel for their kids. Less sister, more parental, everything she does is magic, to me she is the best at everything she has ever done, I am ga-ga over her every achievement; her grades, her ideas, her jewelry, her soft way of being so tough. She is eight years younger than me, perhaps it is age difference. Perhaps everyone feels this way about little sisters, concerned and wowed in equal measure. She is smart and brave and determined, and living a life I wished I had dreamt up. My biggest dreams at 21 were making rent every month and being thanked on liner notes. She said tonight that "the hardest part of living in Barcelona was that it wasn't Hong Kong." She told me about confronting the American racism instilled in her, American whiteness is natural with that privilege right, and breaking down in Dakkar. She says she's moving back to Asia, as soon as she gets her journalism degree. This is hard to accept, because even as we were sitting at dinner and she was telling me about this wild everything that she has seen and lived in the last year--in my mind she is still nine and obsessed with her babyhamster--and Korea is too far for her to be from me.

Posted by Jessica at March 13, 2006 12:44 AM | TrackBack