February 10, 2006

I HATE MY SCHOOL / CAN'T HARDLY WAIT TO / GRADUA-A-ATE

I do not think I have walked the hall fo a high school since I was a high schooler. (Wait, no, I take that back. I went to my 5 year reunion cos Britt made me. I wore the most expensive heels my mom would loan me, so that people would not thinking I was lying when I told them I had my own business. A lot of my classmates had their own business too: drug delivery and meth preperations. You can take the kids out of art school, but...) I DIGRESS. Anyhow, I woke up at 7:10 am went to my neighboorhood-ish school, Best Practice High School. I got there earlier than I was supposed to, despite my bike lock being frozen. I got to hangbang in the teachers lounge and I got my pick of the donuts. I got to talk to the teachers and the principal. Nervous, as I was awake a full 3 hours early, I drank two coffees. I drink coffee maybe 3 times a year and then it's just decaf. Not sure what I was thinking. I might as well pounded a 40 while I was at it. I was talking to the principal about it, about the coffee and my need for it, and why, and being a self employed late riser, and he stopped and demanded "well, if you are not up now (8:47 am), at what time DO you start your day, Young Lady?!" -- I think he did not want me imparting any of my reckless ideas about late sleeping to his students. Anyhow, eventually, after the rambling "Follw Your Dreams, Young People" speech by former Chicago Bull Bob Love (in velour track suit), I got three 30 minutes classes to talk to kids about what I do. Which involved talking about myself some and peppering my talks with references to, say, Lil Wayne, in order to keep their attention. They liked the fanzines I passed around -- they were interested in anything that involved an entereprenurail spirit. The mudwrestling story, which featured an ad for a dildo at the bottom was also hotly discussed.

At the end, the questions were the best. What kind of car did I drive? What do I think about Dem Franchise Boyz? What is my cats name? How much money do I make? What brand of drums do I play? Have I ever played the flute or piano? Why don't I want to write about FallOut Boy? Why wouldn;t I wanrt to hang out with R. Kelly? Do I ever use Limewire? Do I get to be in the same room with famous people ever? Do I only date white dudes? Who is better 50 Cent or Jay-z? One kid thought he was gonna stump me with what is my favorite Jadakiss song, but I knew more about Jada then he did and his friends laughed at him. We talked about DJ Screw being dead and about how you can make records in your house, also about dancing to reggaeton and dis tracks. They cared about anything to do with the radio, but not the internet or MTV. When we talked about how I did not go to college and how I regretted it, and how most people who work at magazines have degrees --and one kid interupted, to bolster me, "Yeah, but those people work at a magazine, and you got your own magazine." Snap.

Then the music teacher, he presented me with a LAMINATED CERTIFICATE thanking me. I am totally putting that shit up. Or using it as a placemat.

Posted by Jessica at February 10, 2006 02:17 PM | TrackBack