December 04, 2005


Even when I am laying in bed, not even reading, not even perceptably doing anything but laying awake, know that I am busy writing. This is also the same reason I take a shower. I cannot write anything longer than 400 words without first showering. That shower may last about 20 minutes even when I am past deadline. The time of the shower is not porportinate to the wordcount of the article. I can do the dishes and write in my brain at the same time, but I cannot write and mop or write and do laundry or write and move house. I cannot write and walk, but I can bike and write, but I prefer to sing or have gratifying imaginary fights or receive imaginary awards or fantasize extended, beggy apologies from people I dislike while doing those things. Before I get down to really writing, I have to check all my friends blogs, I have to put on some tea, I have to read the TOTT columns in the New Yorker, and if I am stuck, not always, my horoscope in the LA Weekly online. I do not write while I sleep and I do not write while making out or doing it. I write while driving, but not while riding shotgun. While riding shotgun, since the accident, I imagine the van or the car, breaking through other cars that forgot to stop like a finish line tape. I imagine that every other car will forget car law, and plow straight into us, just like the other car did to me. I hold my breath and barter with god in quick seconds here and there, so fearsome that one of us would die and the other would have to live through it, with survivor guilt and left with the memory of the others dead face. When that is happening, I am not writing either.

Posted by Jessica at December 4, 2005 10:35 PM | TrackBack