July 03, 2005


I have two deadlines looming large, their 2400 word-aims upon me like some Dogville-style neck-bell, regarding Mr. Sufjan and Mz. Fonda, and as ever, I am paralyzed by potential "failure" only several hundred words in, so in effort to trap the fear in the closet parts 1-5 style, naturally, I did not apply myself to my assignments, but instead, went to the carwash. While clearing the 7 weeks of half opened mail, drum hardware, ex-coffee cups etc, I came across the fourth issue of Hit it or Quit it, from 11th grade. Which I sometimes romance as being early classic as far as my personal lit-ouevre is concerned, but it did nothing but remind me that I never have been able to spell, that I have been writing on the same topix for nigh 13 years now, and that despite being "cool" at 16, I was as much of an insecure poser as anyone. As I still am.
It was all I needed as proof, that now, still, I "cannot write" and maybe should start looking on Craiglist for some babysitting jobs, since my innagural foray into the world of book reviews is sure to be disasturous. And when I say disasturous, I do not mean as in having my pieces be sent back for rewrites 3 or 4 times, but rather I envision that I will wind up living in a cardboard box in the alley behind my apartment, drinking half empty cans of TAB from my neighboors recycling and eating dead birds that Monkee catches and brings to me - ever the loyal pet -- foraging and protecting me when I finally hit the skids.

Anyhow... The ghost of badmind3000 was pretty merciless, and since I do not have the avenue of recreational drugs, scrips or beers to sideline it with, so instead I go for "distraction" -- and Matt and Miles and I went to see Batman, which was great and I had no beef with it's blockbustery fare -- other than I wish Xtian Bale had used that stupid arrowhead he found and taken out Katie Holmes' character in that first scene so we do not have to suffer through her for the rest of the movie. After the movie, the movie that we all wished was about 7 hours longer, I posed the question, if Batman was in a band - this Batman, the good Xtian Bale version, what would he do in the band? I suggested that he'd be enigmatic, distinctive weirdo frontguy - sort of Geddy Lee meets Dan Higgs from Lungfish, but his band would sound like Joan of Arc. Miles voted for the greatsideman -- "the rhythm guitarist that writes all the songs" and Matt suggested a singing drummer -- "like John McEntire with Gwen Stefani's voice". I think Matt might be the most correct of all.

Happy almost bullshit patriotic holiday.
Be careful with yr firecrackers and yr drunken grilling.

Posted by Jessica at July 3, 2005 09:17 PM | TrackBack