June 08, 2005

55404-EVER

Back to Minneapolis, again, for a sec: City Pages lists the 50 best songs by Minnesotan Artists . "Technically", on some Little Red Hen principal, I cannot complain because I was asked to contibute, and forgotted, but whatevs, I am straight beefing, because well, that's my primary life skill --

1. First and foremost: When you include the Gear Daddies on any list of "best", it pulls the entire list down, and makes the whole thing really "relative" . If yr going to put on Gear Daddies, we might as well just add Superball 63 while we're at it.

2. Isn't Trip Shakespeare's "Toolmaster of Brainerd" the song with the unforgettable line "Your mouth is my apartment in the evening"? That song should really be on "the best worst songs evs" list, if you are working on that already.

3. Possible typo: "Kiss" is the best Prince song on Parade . I assume that is what is meant by it's inclusion, yes? Because that's like... the Prince song you play when yr at the tail-end of a DJ set at a wedding reception and the bride's drunk ass sister gets bitchy and asks you to play "some 80's music". C'mon -- The talking parts of "Ballad of Dorothy Parker" are better than "Kiss". The bass-hit that is the first 2 seconds of "I Would Die 4 U" is better than "Kiss". Though, I do realize that there is something Minnesotanally-logical in voting for the most cliche, equivocating and unexplicit song in a canon of unadulterated fucking .
My top favorite Prince songs, for the offishal record:
1. I Wanna be Your Lover
2. Starfish and Coffee
3. Raspberry Beret
4. Pop Life
5. (tie) Strange Relationship / I Could Never Take The Place Of Your Man/ Do Me, Baby

5. That Hang Ups vote is a mercy fuck and a half. Same for 12 Rods. I bet the only person in America, outside of former Radio K DJs residing in South St Paul, who could name a member of 12 Rods (first and last name) is the assistant of whatever A&R douche dropped them from their major label deal.

5.5 Just for the sake of honoring how many times I had to hear it during my high school years behind the counter at the St Paul Northern Lights, we cannot forsake Mint Condition.

6. I think it's sacriledge to vote for a Husker Du song that's not on Zen Arcade . PS> If you are or know the girl my ex-bf regifted my (size-small original-issue pink and grey, bleach stains around the neck) Husker Du shirt to, I will pay cash to get it back.

7. I would have voted these on to a runners up list, sentiment being potent and meritous as anything: "Union Feed Grain Mill" by Big Trouble House, Halo of Flies, "Fire Escape" by Vertigo, Jonestown, the first and third songs on the first Milk album, any Saucer song that Pam did not sing, the last two Spectors singles, that Psuedonymphs song about masturbation, the A side of the first Walt Mink single, Hammerhead Into The Vortex when you are stoned.

8. Britt -- I offered $10 a peice to the voting staff to include any song off International House of Pussy's Songs for the hearing impaired . Apparently, it was not enough. I tried my best, I am sorry my best was not good enough.

9. Also, and as an ammendment to the previous list, posted earlier, of rock crits spat from Mnpls loins, I totes forgot object of Ryan Adams scorn: Jim De Rogatis .

JRH

Posted by Jessica at June 8, 2005 12:24 AM | TrackBack