March 17, 2005

4 THA HOLY ROLLURR BITCHEZ

Fuck You, Pay Me blog rolls out a spesh edition in advance of Holy Week. Nice.

Tonight, after refusing a "Do You Want To Spend Eternity in HEAVEN or HELL?!" chick tract from some jehovah bent folks outside the downtown library, for two blocks, a kid followed me with copies of the pamphlets in hand swearing at me for not taking them. At first I was like "Am I imagining this, or is there an 11 yr old walking five steps behind me muttering "what up, bitch? why din't you take a pamphlet? you can just ignore him like that? huh, Be-itch." I finally stopped and turned to look at him and he was still muttering and I asked him "Excuse me?" - like, curious "excuse me?", not like panelist on Maury about to rip someone's weave out "excuse me?!" -- and he gets loud, looks me up and down: "Yes, excuse you bitch! What, you don't want one of these? You don't need one? Think you can just keep walking?" - he says as he moves up right next to me. He is not even up to my shoulders, and I am 5'5. I have no idea where to begin to address what is going on, like, is the kid going to fight me or should I explain that I did not take a heaven/hell pamphlet, because despite identifying as a Christian (I know, being Jewish would be cooler ), and being stoked and actively celebrating Holy Week, that I am more a jesus-y bon vivant, and do not believe in the binary ideal of heaven/hell as something we experience in death, but rather something experienced as we live, and despite that being a murky place to tread, my idea on it is clear and so I do not need the pamphlet? I mean, I think the kid could have understood the jagged dicotomy of my personal theology - after all he was a 4th grade evangelist addressing an adult stranger as "bitch". Before I could say anything at all he snickers at me and says "Bitch!" once again for good measure, and then, mysteriously, turned and walked into a shoe store that only sells women's high heels - something I am still processing.... Like, are the jehovahs farming work out to children? Or was this something he took on himself, like some born-again independent contractor? Where did he learn to ape the cocky bravado of a drunk 28 yr old? Did he go into the shoe store to hand out rapture pamplets to bitches buying pumps, or does his mom work there, or is it a secret home base for his operation?
I doubt I will ever know.

Posted by Jessica at March 17, 2005 02:14 AM | TrackBack