March 11, 2005

ACCIDENT REPORT

Tonight, I devirginized a teenage girl. I was her first car accident.
Her parents were outta town and she was cruising round the mall-zone in their Lexus SUV. Totes sweet. She kept telling the cop, tear-eyed, that she could only half-way open her door in a tone of voice that implied she wanted justice, like I should be arrested. She kept asking me "Didn't you see me?" I used my politest, most indoor voice to explain that if I had seen her, I would not have driven in to her. While we waited for the police, she sat parked next to us, fitfully crying and resting her head, dramatically, on the steering wheel. I do not know why she was so upset, she'll get grounded, and I will be the one having to pay a grand for a new sidepanel for her 'rents.

My car is garbaged and crunkled on the entire span of the passenger side. Miles, who could only say "whoa, whoa", as we mushed up to the other vehicle, has sweetly offered to cover the lacey-scraped damage by detailing, with auto-paint markers "a pride of lions, on a mountain-top, looking magestic". I bought him a six dollar meal at Denny's, as an apology for put his life in danger and potential down-payment for lion rendering.

Posted by Jessica at March 11, 2005 12:31 AM | TrackBack