December 22, 2004

DEAR FRIEND:

About your Xmas presents: I sent them. You are a pretty easy person to buy for because I feel like I understand what is important to you in this sad and lonely world. It's not the same things that are important to the newly titted of the Cahuenga Boogie, so I did not get you the Terry Richards book. I know you might maybe think the pictures of the ladies sucking cock with decorated paper bags on their heads is "funny stuff" , or at the very least symbolizes post-NAFTA trade relations between the US and Mexico, but you know, it was pretty pricey and I know you probably already have enough cocksucking-photo coffee table books.

I was also considering getting you Queen Latifah's "The Dana Owens Album: Queen Latifah sings jazz and blues" - which conveniently, I saw for sale for 6.99 in a sale bin at Tower tonight. I remember how much you loved her in "Set It Off" - But I did not know whether you liked her enough to get through a whole album, so I might see if I can just get you the "Ladies First ft. Monie Love" cassingle off Ebay for a quarter. (God, whatever happened to Monie Love? I loved her. Why is she not a grime star of today?)

But, so then, then!, when I was leaving -- over on the budget books table, I saw a stack of copies of Billy Corrigan's new book of poetry . But I figured, knowing you, you bought it the day it came out. Knowing you, you already have a signed first edition. I read his website, his blog, a few times, and I appreciate the way he incorporates his love for Jesus, his young fans and cats with his vehement hatred for James Iha. None the less... I bet the book is great. Once it gets down to 4-5 bucks, I am going to have to buy a copy for the bathroom.

Just so you know, not to ruin the surprise, I did not get you any of those things. I also did not get you McDonalds gift-coupons, though I know you would have used them right up. I did not get you refillable heads for a Swifter mop - again, something I KNOW you could have used. I did not get you a signed picture of Ann Coulter - though I did try. The shit got up to $400 . I am not in Terror Squad, I cannot afford those prices.

I did, though, remember the story you told me from a few weeks ago, about the young trick from Tijuana in the crotchless manties , with the hula hoop - working as the human gift at that birthday party up in the hills(*) -- you seemed so intrigued by that, I wondered about how much it would cost me to by a human sex toy off the streets of TJ ... but with me up in Chicago, I figured I would have to pay for handlers, and I just do not have that kind of budget, honestly, as I just blew half my rent on a cat and catnip filled toys - I am sure you understand.

Anyhow, I hope you like what I sent you, because it's all I am getting you.

love,
JH


(* this is a true story )

Posted by Jessica at December 22, 2004 02:25 PM | TrackBack