December 06, 2004


I forgot about that contest I announced, the pity contest for whomever had the most boring-est weekend. I just checked the email, read the 30-some entries, and have decided - you will all get the prize I offered - or at least a prize. Special to the three different girls wrote in saying they spent all weekend knitting or crafting -- which, speaking as a crafter -- crafting is right up by "dancing" and "fucking" on fun scale, so do not front. In spite of your attempt to trick me by pretending knitting is boring simply because it seems boring, you will get a prize.

Some selected highlights of contest entries:

This weekend I read through the used truck classifieds in the Akron
Beacon Journal, because we need a pickup truck to transport manure,
and hay, and wood. We're looking for one with four doors that will
seat 5, or better yet, one with a bench front seat as well, so it'll
seat 6. What I really need is a minivan for carting all of these kids
my son picks up like lint on a ball of velcro, and invites to go with
us everywhere, but a minivan would make me feel as boring as I would

I changed a lot of diapers. I loaded, ran, and emptied the dishwasher
twice. I made turkey leftovers for dinner both nights and we watched
the movie The Terminal. I moved the silverware into a different
drawer, and put the stuff from that drawer (phone book, small basket
of pens, menu from the only take-out place that delivers in our area,
several business cards) into the office where they're still sitting
waiting for a new home. The old silverware drawer is gone. There's a
dishwasher where it once resided. I opened the new dishwasher door
many times this weekend, thinking to get a clean spoon to stir my
decaf with. I moved the pile of newspapers out of the living room, dumping them
into several milk crates in the garage to bring them to the recycle.
Eventually.I picked at a pimple on my face so much that it's now a big welty scab.

Josh in TN:
So my weekend wasn't incredibly boring, but I'll tell you why I
deserve a CD and autographed photo.
Yesterday, like at least five days out of every week, I went to work.
Most people go to work, I suppose. I am a cameraman at a shopping
television network. Shop at Home TV.

This weekend I slept 11 hours each night, waking only to read a novel about a painter living in rural Newfoundland, drink flat mineral water straight from the plastic 1.5 litre bottle, watch VH1's hour-long retelling of the thrilling rise of grunge, walk the perimeter of an industrial park, and mutely eat dry pork with three 60-somethings who spoke only Magyar.  All this in the Plattsburgh of Hungary.

if the higlights of someones weekend are a cat's claws and joan of
arcadia, you have to feel for them. that is my story.
do i win? by losing so very badly, do i win?

Tom of Baltimore:
i spent the weekend at my girlfriend's parents' house in northern
virginia. friday bridget and her mom went out shopping at the j. crew outlet
store and didn't come back all day. i was in the house by myself. i watched some
of a gilmore girls marathon and read the story in the new dave eggers book
that i'd already read in the new yorker and googled my name.

Posted by Jessica at December 6, 2004 07:20 PM | TrackBack