September 28, 2004


Sometimes believing in magic is like believing I can find my cell phone in my purse. Sometimes it is more like believing the earth is not going to ripple open and swallow me whole. Sometimes belief is not so easy to tether yourself to.

Right now, pert near everyone I know is fouled by romance. Standing on the sidelines, broken hearted, or otherwise effectively benched. Or thier life scheme is give them mass hard times, they are being woken up at night with heart stopping fears that splay them for hours of rancid thought about what will change and when and the future and will their hearts ever mend, will their days and lives ever mend, will they write the great things they want, will oppurtunity knock. We all joke, it's the revenge of Saturns Return. Revenge pf the eve-of-30 reckoning. My aunt, who is in her 50's and a high-up prefect in a major Indian meditational sect/spiritualism, I told her all this, she says "Oh, yeah 27 and 28 were a bitch. It gets better though."

In the face of this, of the melting sadness of many people I love, of my own aged-28 malaise, it is hard to beleive in magic. It is hard to conjure faith and trust that goodness does exist and not all people feed their kids chee-tos for dinner and keep them up late on school nights at the Western Avenue laundry-mats.

This morning, I woke up knowing magic exists. I woke up with my hand on Sean's ribs, tiny breaths expanding them and I knew magic is real. You just have to trust. Sometimes it is just being quiet and sly on you. The fall days of Minneapolis is beautiful and breakfast was great. There are books and bikes and half started craft projects and 100 long range fantasy plans we all are laying out together that will sustain us until pre-30 melancholy stops sharpening it's teeth on us. Just have faith.

Love to the people with much on their minds and love to the people who do not know magic right now. Magic is soon. Promise.

Posted by Jessica at September 28, 2004 02:28 PM | TrackBack