June 22, 2004


I did not want to start on a bad foot today, but I will tell you this: The last two nights - amidst load in -- I have been acosted by bouncers at the clubs, who have assumed both times that despite coming in with the band, NAY! carrying motherfucking amps, that I am in-fact, sneaking in -- I am underage, I am not really in or with the band. Both nights, I was barked at to get my ID, despite having "performer" wrist bands.( The rest of my band is similarly what-the-fuck about this, though Dave pointed out earlier in the tour, that I tender to encounter trouble, provoke ire as I meet authority with authority. ) Being scoffed at by some tatooed bouncer in blue-blockers, like I am 11 years old when, talking to me in the "you are busted" voice -- "Come Here! COME HERE! -- I saw you come in that back stage door!" -- Dave told me later he thought I was going to punch the dude. Being singled out, while the rest of my band trolls free... I think this, in conjunction with other band dudes attempting to lift equipment out of my hands while I carry it, or people telling me I looked good rather than played well -- I know I should be over being furious about it every night, but it's not happening.

My extended remix of rage was met with core-validation and joy, as our entire front row was 14 and 15 y.o. women, who as i found out when I went to talk to them and give them zines -- had constituted our merch sales for the evening. Several of them said they had never seen a woman actually play in a band. Sing maybe. Never play. I hung out with them all until we left, gave them zines, answered every question they had about playing and being in a band, talked to them about their aspirations (one was a year into drum lessons, another switching to bass). Talked and talked. I begged them to email me and let me know once they are playing in bands so we can play with them when we come back to Tempe. I changed clothes before the show, to look as much like them as possible, rather than the great unwashed stowaway on the SS ArtFuck -- I wanted to them look at me incognito in my normalest clean clothes and think "she is like me, I could be her."

And then I got my idea. I called Julianne and we are beginning to hash it out. I need to start a marginal-but-good (read: accessible) new school emo or hardcore band. To tour with From Autumn Ashes, Yellowcard, Atreyu, Taking Back Sunday, Thrice, Warped Tour's Marginalized people stage -- whomever, whereever. Meet them at teen-taste central with some big choruses and a riot girl agenda. Fourteen is impressionable, there is room in the brain pan for radicalization. Coolness is alienating when you are 15, the kids need to be met where they are. Sneak attack, pre-emptive strike, chewable vitamins, infiltrating -- you know? I do not know whether I need to be in the girl emo band, or need to be the Kim Fowler-like svengali behind the curtain, but I think it needs to be done. Sleater Kinney and maje-labe LeTigre can be for the girls who access to cooler record stores, exploring lesbian chic, who have thier agenda worked out. Meanwhile, I need to be working on in-roads to elightening Hot Topic shoppers.

Tonight, we are in Ft. Collins, where the white people look comfy strolling in their yoga-sweats, where you could take your meals in the gutter they are so sanitary.


Posted by Jessica at June 22, 2004 11:02 PM | TrackBack