May 29, 2004

I'm still Miles.
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I'm sitting here trying to come up with interesting things to write about, but nothing that's come to mind has much "snap". Here's what I've though of writing about so far:
- Review of the Sci Fi Channel Original Movie Deathlands: Homeward Bound (They spent time and money on cinematography instead of shit-tastic CGI like most Sci Fi Channel movies; also Traci Lords is now known as Traci Elizabeth Lords so you won't accidentally watch one of her serious acting roles expecting it to be porno.)
- Cocaine. (Cokeheads: At parties, why do you need to use the bathroom, which many other people need to use for going to the bathroom, to have your little cokefests? It can't be because you're trying your little coke party on the DL, because I'm pretty sure there's only a couple of things a group of five people heading into the bathroom together have on their agenda [hint: Going to the bathroom is at the bottom of the list. Number two on the list is bathroom orgy.]. I understand if you don't want people trying to scam free drugs off of you, but there's a time in every person's life where they have to grow up and say, "Dude, I'm sorry but you cannot have any of my cocaine." Just do the shit in the middle of the party and you'll earn the respect of everyone who has to pee.)
- The Battle Of The Two Andy Warhols. (Once I went to a Halloween party dressed as Andy Warhol. There was a guy I didn't know dressed as Andy Warhol. We spent the party passive-aggressively trying to out-Andy each other. My hair looked more convincingly wiglike and I had a Polaroid. He had brought a stack of Interview magazines that he was autographing and handing out. He tried to give me an autograph. The situation got ridiculously close to a fight. The lesson: only shallow people who have to be the center of attention dress as Andy Warhol for Halloween.)
I want to say that I can't believe I sat through a movie called Deathlands: Homeward Bound, but then again I know myself better than that.

Posted by Miles Raymer at May 29, 2004 03:11 PM | TrackBack