[Cue theme music]
Announcer: Welcome to tinyluckygenius aka the Unicorn's Tear with your guest host Miles Raymer.
[Theme song fades out. Cut to me in a suit sitting behind a desk, lit from overhead by a single spotlight. My hair is a brownish golden nimbus against the dark that surrounds it. It also looks very great.]
Me: Thank you. We've got a great entry for you tonight, so why don't we just jump right into it.
[Fade to black as theme music plays.]
I have a cat. Her name is Princess Boom-Boom but is referred to more frequently as "Little Buddy", "Little Dude", or "Little Bitch". She's an efficiently designed cat, packing truly dangerous amounts of cuteness, spunkiness, and sassiness into a tiny little black-stripes-on-black package capable of reducing the most hard and bitter people to speaking a language of coos and purrs that she teaches you just by being there. She flings herself around my apartment with an abandon that puts entire crowds of naked hardcore kids at old Jihad shows to shame, then curls up under my covers in the crook of my arm for hours at a time. Right now she's staring at the floor, which is something that I find myself doing quite often, but her stare is full of expectation, like something of interest might suddenly appear in the spot she's gazing at at and that she should be ready for it when it comes. It's is an attitude that I think I should learn.