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Today on the local NPR affliate, the bane of my radio-listening existence, Steve Shadley, who does local updates between 8-6 everyday and has a penchant for mispronouncing EVERYTHING and really stradling the intonation fence between bored hack and nervous intern, while cracking jokes yr dad would even shy away at. Like think... the humour of, say, Jeffy from Family Circus and we're halfway there.

Today Steve Shadly was telling us that coming up on All Things Considered we would get further details of THE FREAK STORM THATS HITTING PORTLAND. (He read it like someone said "do it, again, but sound emotionally baffled",). I thought of my best lady, Julianne Shepherd, and stranded-at-her-house traveller and also great pal, Tomas Palermo being hit by a freak storm. Like freak as in girls from the Sir Mix A Lot "Put Em On the Glass" (what kind of person appears in a video, only to wash a car with her soapy, naked breasts? A freak, of course). A torrential flood of freaks.

I also thought of my first, next, perhaps only album cover, of my band with Julianne, currently under the name MUY ROMANTICO. Our first album, i propose is called FREAK STORM, and the cover is illustrated, or badly photo-shopped as thus:
Giant storm clouds of big, round, thonged asses in the sky above, with lightning bolts coming out of them, which extend to the ground, where Julianne and I, perhaps our 12 peice extended band, are exiting a spaceship / red convertable limo/ sail boat / Taj Mahal-style palace -- the bolts appearing to energize us with their booty-lectricity. I will be holding my bass, wearing it up high, to imply deep funkiness and also my profound ability. The bass will be glowing, electrified, amidst the FREAKINESS. Julianne and I will be decked out in intergalactic funk warrior outfits. Julianne might be wearing a Red Bikini and a long fake white leopard fur coat and be carrying a golden staff, big peacock feathers coming out of her eternal ponytail.

On the back, we will be wearing electric blue, magenta and silver strech lame body suits and tight wrap-around Gucci-style reflective sunglasses. We will be standing by a pot of gold, flanked by a double rainbow. It's the AFTER picture, converted by the freakstorm into... hot robots.

The gatefold: The day-after scene from a raging party, with lacey thongs prominently displayed in the potted plants and crushed Stroh's cans decorating every available surface, a half dozen empty pizza boxes, people passed out on the floor, with our bands equipment ( seen on front cover) strewn out in the corner, Julianne and I looking silky, masterful and alert amongst the ruins. We absorbed all the freakiness and wrecked it and turned the party out, in one fell swoop. Like photosynthesis, we absorbed the freak storm and then... we became it.

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