January 03, 2004

Pazzzzzzz (and Jop)

The first time I was able to vote in a presidential was the last election. I called my dad, for advice after finding out, mere weeks before it was time to belly up to the cordoned desks at the little firestsation down the street from my house and punch some chads for Ninth District Water Conservation Supervisor, that my vote didn;t really count. I switched schools a lot as a kid and somehow, I managed to never learn that every vote doesn't count. I mean not in the George Bush stole the election way, but about the electoral congress. I mean, quite simply, either I was never informed, or was way too stoned way too often in ninth grade civics for the info to penetrate my cortex deeply enough to remember it eight years later when i could actually perpetrate a vote.
Anyhow, i called my dad and told him I didn;t know whether to fight Bush with a vote for Gore (the effete pussy) or throw down for the green party, which i am more naturally aligned with. My dad told me to vote my concious, which was safe since MY ELECTORAL CONGRESS, those deciding phantoms, swing Dem here in in the I-L-L, so i do not need to sweat it.

Anyhow, I justed voted, in the Village Voice's annual critics poll, where every vote seemingly counts. Though, in my lazy-fair abyss, simply, I voted for the records I could remember listening to.
I wish I could have voted for only the first six tracks of Justin Timberlake's album, and that I could of given 90 points to Erase Errata and then 1.01 points for the other nine slots. EE because even though their album was not my most listened to of the year I feel like they are the only band in a long time that has galvanized the people, shook some shit up and made us contend with WHAT WE ARE ALL SO AFRAID OF, which as I see it, is adventure and giving the comsumerist impulse a mouthful of dirty snow. As consumerist impulse dictates that if we do not obey IT, an icicle will pentrate our hearts and we will be doomed for all eternity to never get laid and will be forced to reconcile that we have flat/lumpy butts and are not friends with the Strokes. We will be forced to reconcile our white devilhood and our parents divorce and our latent alcoholism. ( When I say we, I actually mean "you", FYI)

I voted for 50 cent in my number 2 spot, and what i learned from his record and singles is entirely different and I love love love that jagged tender/thug dicotomy, class war and the most indelible hooks of all pop-music-eternity ARE AVAILABLE IN ONE ALBUM. Get Rich or Die Trying is an album I love on the radio, on the dancefloor, and in the throes of meta-analysis while I shampoo my wig. COMMERCIAL HIP HOP IS a-thousand times more realer than some bullshit concept album about 99 problems and you divorce is 97 of them. Tim Kasher, what have you done for me lately? yeah, exactly!

I admittedly voted in a bit of a coma. I voted for records I could remember I had listened to in my car, but that I had not worked with, because conflict of interest in certain circles is UNprofessional, and natch i would hate to blow my cover as a BIASED AMATUER. My top vote would have been Ellen Allien Berlinette if I was not in the employ of the deutcheland techno princess. I would have voted for Liz Phair on principle, if I heard more than those 2 songs, but decided to vote for the Distillers instead because Brody Dalle is nobodies bitch and because Hole's Pretty On the Inside was my favorite record in 1994, too.

I look forward to reading the witty witticisms and snarky malaprop tooting of the comments section of the poll, of upper eschelon critics putting the croshairs on easy targets (my guesses: Ryan Adams, Strokes, Xtina Agulera getting fat and having the gall to still dress like a slut) and shitting on the big names for failing us, praising old dudes for keeping the dream alive (Jackson Brown Box Set, anyone?! Free cum rag autographed by Jann Wenner with every purchase!) and taking a contreversial wind unto our sails re: Jack White. (Or rubbing to Joss Stone defying her own teen crackerhood with her 'Retha impression! Or impaling Liz Phair on the phallus of the critical alter, her sexual guilelessness threatening to turn us all to pillars of salt! I won't sign off on Conor O'Berst being the voice of my gen. until his songs get at least twice as explicitly political and thrice as explicit sexually and quintuply as sexually political!)

HEY! America, lets dare to give a fuck! It's 2004, by golly!

I have not yet blazed my own comments into the emailbox of Chuck Eddy , and believe me, I have them, and like the rest of the rock critical blue balls, I have been polishing and packing them in the cannon all year long.
Huzzah! Huzzah!


Posted by Jessica at January 3, 2004 07:19 PM | TrackBack
Comments

Yeeeahd, it's csool

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